


Uchiha & Co.

by OppaiShiri



Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Business, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Sasuke is the CEO of the company, Shounen?, kind of?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-03-29 22:23:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13936647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OppaiShiri/pseuds/OppaiShiri
Summary: Naruto is unemployed. Dropped off from college, he has to start from scratch, even though he's as good as broke. There's a new corporation in town. One called Uchiha & Co.. Interested, our hero takes it into his own hands to get himself a job, even with an ideal Ceo of the company. But, what if, once upon a time, they were friends? And what if his friend was the one in charge of this corporation?Also, Akatsuki eventually. (this is my summary for now, will change to my liking later)





	1. A Broken Dream.

**Author's Note:**

> I kinda know a thing or two about business (don't take my word for it, I'm no expert).  
> But! It was an interesting idea. I mean, seeing my three favorite Naruto characters of all time (the ones I can relate to most) in the real world is as comedic as they come. And chaotic, of course.  
> First chapter is dialogue-heavy, and has a few swear words.  
> Let me know what you think?  
> 

**1**

 

* * *

 

"You're on your own now, brat." Tsunade says, kicking him out the door before he can even say bloody " _believe it_!" Naruto, tossed aside like trash, stands up again and glares at the blonde woman.

"Wha--? Please, pretty please, just one more day? I promise I'll pay you back in full!" He says, hoping to the _kami_ above that he'll at least have some good luck.

"No, you're already eighteen. Need I remind you that it was _you_ who left college early after we saved so much to get you there in the first place? Now we're broke and it's all on you."

Apparently, the gods weren't listening today. Naruto groans, rubbing the bridge of his nose, hoping for an alternative.

"'S not my fault! Honest! Were'nt you like me once?" He pleads, hoping for some sort of empathy. "A teenager with the whole world on their shoulders?" That's when his godfather kicks in, literally. Jiraiya has a hand on his shoulder and pats it.

 

"Sorry, blondie. She's right. You're no longer a baby boy. Go on and get a life." 

 

" _Pervy Sage_!" Naruto whined, pouting, and crossing his arms. "No fair! I promise, just one day! 

"You know, your father used to be just like you. He's been in the same boat as long as he was a teenager. But, one day, he packed up all his stuff and put it into there," he points to a trashcan right beside their apartment.

"He let go of his feelings, his life. He married to a beautiful wife and had a child, of course, like every other wishful grown man. He lived to tell the tale until his wife died of childbirth and he committed suicide from losing his precious people," Jiraiya puts a hand to his chin, contemplatively. "He became a business man," he ruffles Naruto's hair -who growls- and chuckles halfheartedly while holding _Icha Icha Paradise_ in one hand. "Maybe, one day you will, too."

 

 _Maybe one day you will, too_ , Naruto repeats in his head.

 

" **Heard ya the firs' time, Kit**." Kurama, the Kyuubi, says inside his head. Naruto snorts. Ever since he was little, he's heard voices in his head. At first, as he grew older, he thought it was just an imaginary childhood friend that resonates in someone his age. He thought it was just some fairytale and never paid much mind to it. However, when his physiatrist traced through his family tree, he figured out that his mother had similar condition. What's more, the genes and the DNA found there connected a lot to his, and the mental doctor told him that he was still sane, but also a jinchuuriki. He had his suspicions. Like, " _what the heck is a jinchew-whatsit_?"

 

She laughed and told him it was a rare condition lately with children all over the Elemental Countries. However, he was the only one to have been reported spotted in the Village Hidden In the Leaves a.k.a. Konoha. 

 

In the present time, Naruto was thinking over his options. ' _CRAP! What do I do, now? I'm so screwed_!'

" **Easy, easy. Worrying over the simpleton things like your mother won't do jack $h!t. What you gotta do is chill. Take deep breaths. In. Out**." Naruto shook his head, and talked to them again. He wouldn't tune out at a time like this. He had god parents to talk to.

"Look, one more chance? Please? That's all I ask for?" He saw Jiraiya and Tsunade exchange glances and then sigh. They shoved a pamplet to his chest. Looking it over, he realized it was a flyer.

"It's a job. For that ramen place you like so much. It was handed over a month ago for a waiter. Maybe you could apply there with your resume an' all," Tsunade says, eyeing him intently with her amber eyes. Naruto blinked. And again. And _again_. ' _Dattebayo_!' he thinks, before going ecstatic.

 

"Are you crazy? Of course I'll go! I love, love, LOVE Icharaku's!" Forgetting his present predicament, he hugged them. And then let them go.

"I'll go right away! I've been waiting for this moment my whole life!" He strikes an overconfident pose, and puffs out his chest proudly for all the world to see. "Ja ne! Time to become the best hokage ---erm, I mean ---WAITER ever! YATTA!" And, in Team Rocket fashion, he sped off at the speed of light. He wouldn't let it down. He _wouldn't_!

 

\---

Of course, he should've thought things through. Currently, he was strolling around Konoha with a vanilla folder in hand. 

' _Why am I so stupid? What was I thinking?'_

" **Not my fault you're such an idiot**." Kurama says through his mindscape.

' _All I ever wanted to do in life was to surpass my father and become hokage --er, I mean --the best man ever_!' Naruto thinks, trying not to break the fourth wall, but failing desperately. Kurama laughed in his sewer cell, shaking the whole mindscape.

" **That sounds lame. Try again**."

' _Er....the richest business man...ever_?' Even Naruto seemed unsure. Kurama shook his head with a facepalm Naruto could see through the mindscape.

" **Still lame. Just like you, Kit**!" Kurama snickered near his ear, and he shivered from the demonic physical contact.

' _UGH! FINE! I give up! I just wanna be accepted, OK? Everywhere I go, they just down at me. I ask myself every day why I even exist. Why am I even here? I feel so worthless...'_

_(this isn't me, this is Naruto thinking)_

"Aw, c'mon. You'll live. The world is messed up! I had lost faith in _humanity_ years ago! I mean, there's no equality! People are killing themselves! People are dying all the time! And people are politically correct about everything! I mean, c'mon. Politics are way too controversial! That's why when you were born I almost ended it all. And I would've gotten away with it, too, if your mother hadn't transferred me into your body last minute as I was about to blow. So, I couldn't even possess that sexy body of hers." He says in disappointment.

 

Naruto snickers. ' _You're such a pervert! Just like Jiraiya-sensei_!' He thinks, still walking around aimlessly.

 

The Uzumaki (Namikaze) sighs. 

 

Naruto kicks the soles of his shoes; his converse. His body slouches over, and he's just letting his feet to wander. He has no place to afford for.

He's on the streets, and it's raining. It fits the mood right about now.

His orange hoodie shadows his face; bangs covering his eyes. ' _Heh, I kinda feel emo right now, like that Sasuke teme.'_

He stops, suddenly, at a memory _._

 _'Speaking of, what happened to that asshole? Y'know, that one prince perfect?'_ He asks the Nine-Tailed Tox, sorta curious himself.

 _"_ **Oh, him. I dunno. Why, do you want him? Even after all this time he's been a bastard to you?** _"_

 _'Are you kidding? No way. He's such a prick. He gets all the ladies and he doesn't care; not one bit! He even stole Sakura-chan's attention away from me!'_ He remembers sadly, if possible, feeling even more down in the dumps. The girl of his dreams...gone in just a snap of a finger. Depressing, really.

 _"_ **Cheer up, Kit! Maybe it's destiny, but I have a funny feeling you'll see them again** _."_

_'Oh I hope not.'_

He stops walking around with his hood on once he hears talking nearby the streets. With his resume in hand for Icharaku's, he follows suit; sticking to the shadows. Walking closer, he can look and listen more clearly now. Blocking the entrance of the infamous ramen store, a gang of teens surround themselves in idle chit chat.

 _'Damn! They're blocking the way!'_ He thinks _, 'maybe it won't hurt...to eavesdrop a little. Just a little!'_ He swore to himself, leaning in closer.

".... _uke_. He thinks he's so high and mighty! _Puh-lease_! He's so stuck-up about every damn thing!" An albino wearing a black clouds with red clouds all over it says. "Why do I even work for him? Honestly, if it weren't for the money, I would've quit YEARS ago!" A redhead in glasses also in the same clothing slaps him across the face. "Don't you DARE talk about Sasuke-kun like that! I, for one, love him with all of my heart~! And you're the ones who's being a b!tch." She snaps, full of fury.

 

' _Sasuke? No...probably someone else. It's not that uncommon of a name in Konoha, Japan_.' Naruto shakes his head in disbelief. ' _I...can't believe it_.'

 

" **Hope you're right, Kit**."

 

"That's enough, Karin, Suigetsu. We're Team Taka. We have no right to talk about our boss behind his back. And, SHH! We're in public, remember?" A large, burly and bulky man with flaming orange hair stood six feet over them. He had his arms crossed, and he, too, also wore a cloak with red clouds. ' _Must be a thing I'm unaware of_...' Naruto thinks, licking his lips at the sight. ' _Oh, who am I kidding? I have an interview with the Old Man! I should start talking now!_ '

 

The two youngsters shared looks of annoyance, but finally relented. "Let's go." Says the white-haired kid with shark teeth --Suigetsu, Naruto notes -- and sighs. Karin hums to herself, adjusting her glasses as they walk inside.

 

" _We ordered three servings of miso and menma_...." They trail off, and Naruto steps out to the street and walks over to said entrance door. He enters and smiles to Ayame, Teuchi's daughter, and sits at a table. Slurping his ramen, he looks outside and watches as each droplet of water falls from the sky. Drumming his fingers on table out of boredom, he notices at the corner of his eye a flyer. Grabbing it was still cold-numb fingers, he gasps once he sees the cover. 

 

No.

 _No_ way.

Was it really...?

 _Yes_.

Sasuke Uchiha was on the cover of the first page of NOW HIRING: At Uchiha & Co.

* * *

 

_Sorry! My original draft didn't save correctly for whatever brilliant reason, and had to write it all over again because my computer is old and so laggy these days it's killing me..._

_Hope you all like it anyway, even though I was stressing out all over it lol_

_Thanks for reading this tho :D_

_So, what did you think? Good/bad?_

 

 

 


	2. Interview w/ Mr. Uchiha

_**2\. Interview with Mr. Uchiha** _

* * *

 

"....." Naruto was torn between screaming his heart out, or just letting go of his sanity. After all, half of his brain seemed half between fox-like and half idiotic. Maybe a bit of both.

 He clutched his head, feeling so mentally hurt at the moment. The _teme_...his boss? Could he even?

' _Oh, god! Not another f@#$ing flashback_!' Naruto thinks, his head spinning in circles.

 

**FLASHBACK START!**

_"S - Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked, standing in front of the love of his life. Ever since they were in elementary, he'd hoped he could confess his true feelings after all of these years. They weren't fake, and he loved the cherry blossom with all of his heart. Which is why he's holding a love letter in his hand, along with a bouquet of sakura. Fitting, as_

_"What do you want, you baka?" She huffed, crossing her arms. Naruto blushed, looking down, and holding onto her hand._

_"Er, I was thinking, maybe you and I could---" Before he could even get another word in edgewise, someone had to conveniently walk down the school hallway to their locker. And that caught Sakura's undivided attention. Once she saw who it was, she squealed excitedly. She waved to him in high hopes. He didn't, though._

_"SASUKE-KUN!" Shoving Naruto off of her, she sped at the speed of light over to the number one_

_He shrugged her off his shoulders, looking to the side. Naruto clenched his fist in fury, and gritted his teeth._

_"Oi, Sasuke!" Naruto shouts, pointing an accusing finger at him, "let her go!" He pumped a fist in the air. Sasuke snorted, turning his back on the both of them once he grabbed his binder and bookbag._

_"You're such a loser, Naruto."_

_**FLASHBACK END** _

Naruto's big blue eyes widen at the memory of his freshman years. ' _No_ ,' he told himself. ' _Can't think about that now. Anyway, why would I choose that prick over the best ramen stand in town? I'd pick Icharaku's any given day. I'd bet my life on it_!'

Reading the back of it, feeling ecstatic, he sees all of the job requirements and everything. He blinks. Once. Thrice.

 

"Nuh uh," he whispers, shaking his head. No, it just can't be true! It just...CAN'T! There's no frickin' way he's seeing what he's seeing right now!

 

' **Administer now as an Uchiha spokesperson and/or assistant! Vote for Uchiha & Co. for a limited time only! Not available outside of the Fire Country.**

**Hourly pay salary:** 100,000,000 ryo 

**As an applicant: you're required to:**

**\- Wear professional/presentable clothing** (Blazers/Tuxedos an all the like are alright. Wear a bowtie, and a bowler. Spray cologne on to smell right. And shower daily so you won't stink up the whole 5th floor.)

 **\- Be somewhat sociable** (You will be presenting/talking to other people on stage on behalf of the company. Spread the word of the Uchiha corporation, and smile.

**\- Know your knowledge of the area. You will be talking to other spokespeople who also represent their own companies. As Sasuke-kun's spokesperson, you must try to win them over, by stating the benefits of them serving our company, and vice versa.**

**\- Work for Sasuke Uchiha** (Whatever he wants you to do, do it. It is your job to serve him out of your open office hours. If you're not working on slide shows of any sort, then you'll be serving him coffee and tea decaf. 

 - **Interview for your employer, Itachi Uchiha** (he will ask you questions, and you will answer them to the best of your ability. Do your research well, and once you're applied, it will take about a 42 hour wait for them to accept you or not)

 

Written, by yours truly, 

Karin Uzumaki

P.S. I LOVE YOU SASUKE-KUN! You're sooooo hot XD

Please don't kill me for this please?

 

' _I'm in_!'

\---

Itachi was waiting by his foolish little brother's building. Holding one of the applicant's file in his hands, he waited for Naruto Uzumaki. Looking at his watch, he realized the blond brat had wasted fifteen minutes of his time. He sighed, and tapped his foot impatiently.

 

' _Where is he_?' He thinks, activating his _Magekyou Sharingan_ and looking around for any chakra signature. _None_. Not yet, anyway.

 

He hears footsteps walking closer from somewhere, and turns around. He's face to face with a blonde boy; who's just a few inches shorter than him. He frowned, and his eyes turned back to black.

 

"Hehe, sorry it took so long! See, I got lost on the road of life and---" Itachi held up a hand to stop him midsentence.

 

 

 "Save it, boy. Let's begin our interview inside." He opens the door for Naruto and walks behind him. In silence, they walk over to a nearby table. Looking around, Naruto awes at how massive this place really is. The ceiling was raised high, and a diamond chandelier hung over them. The room was sleek, and modern-looking. There were hints of black, grey, white, and beige. The floor was tiled with marble. Even walking around was like a killer eyesore. The two sit opposite each other.

 

Naruto smiles at him, and Itachi smiles; if only a little. He lays out the resume between them immediately.

"So, my name is Itachi Uchiha. I am Sasuke Uchiha's big brother. Why don't you tell me your ambitions, your likes or dislikes." He holds out a hand to shake. Naruto shakes it wildly.

"Name's Naruto Uzumaki! Buh-lieve it, 'tebayo! My dream is to become better than the _teme_! I like ramen, especially if it's Icharaku! I dislike...." He scrunches up his face, and sticks out his tongue, "that _teme_!" Itachi nods, and accepts his ID card. "Your picture..." Itachi chuckles into his hand. "how old were you when you took this?" He says in an amused voice. He looks up at Naruto again with a smirk.

 

"I was...twelve years old! Yep! I pulled a prank on the Old Man. On the hokage's head, I spray-painted graffiti on their faces!" He says, snickering.

 

Trying his damnedest to suppress his laugh, Itachi accidentally let it out loud. He doubled over, laughing madly. 

He wipes tears from his eyes once he's recovered. "I...I see. W - well..." He clears his throat. "Ahem, next question."

 

" **You're doing great, Kit! He likes you already. Even if you don't get the job, at least you've got him**." Naruto blushes, and looks at anywhere but Itachi.

 

 

Itachi nods, writing notes on his paper clipboard. From under his cloak, he brings out a pair of glasses. Turning away, he plops eyedrops in his eye. "Excuse me..." he says softly, "I apologize for that. But, it needed to be done. See, us Uchihas are known not to see very well. At birth, we can go blind forever."

 

"O - Okay." Naruto says, laughing nervously. ' _Uh, that's...random. Anyway. Think, Naruto, think! I did my research, didn't I_?'

"Uh, _oh_! You also, uh, inherit a special trait or somethin'. Like, if I remember correctly, your clan rivaled the Hyuuga clan. Centuries ago, you guys had your fire style jutsus, and the other water. But, that was, like, ancient history!" He puffs his chest out proudly.

 

"Ah, very good." Itachi smiles, writing another note on the document. "Yes, both of our clans have had bad blood against each other for hundreds and hundreds of years. Especially since the Nine-Tails Attack. It was a dark, dark time. Everyone hated each other, pointed fingers at the wrong person. Eventually, wars broke out over the clan over who gets the power or whatnot. Thank goodness it's all over." Itachi says.

 

"Man, that sucks." Naruto says sadly, looking down at his lap; head low. Itachi nods, shuffling his papers.

 

"So. Have you ever worked with this medium before?

 

"Always a first time for everything!" Naruto cheers, leaning back against the chair and smiling lazily. He had his arms behind his head.

"I like your spirit. Useful for someone such as yourself," Itachi simpered, peering at him over his glasses. Naruto nodded excitedly, playing with the hem of his business suit. He wasn't exactly loving it. But, if it meant he had food, water, and shelter he'd do just about anything! Believe it!

 

"Heh he."

 

 

"Alright, next question. What are your... _abilities_. You know, as in, your blood. What clan does it originate from?" Itachi asked, looking down at the boy.

 

"Eh to... _what_?" Naruto tilts his head, in total confusion.

 

"Your _blood_. While it is rare, japanese descendants have ancestors from ninjas. Those shinobi had powers, that no normal japanese man has. It's uncommon, but there's a 10 in a 20 chance that you're one of them. I want to know if it's possible if you're one of them."

 

"Well...uh. I'm an orphan, I lived with my godparents my whole life. I don't know anything about them..." He thinks, remembering his lonely days at the orphanage when no one had wanted him. But, then he was needed one day by Jiraiya and Tsunade-sannins. Ever since, he never knew about his parents, except for his mother's surname: Uzumaki.

The Old Man hokage was very secretive about this kind of stuff.

 

 So, he says just that.

 

"Interesting. The jinchuuriki clan full of redheaded women? Depending on your family, there are certain bloodline limits or certain traits passed down from your clan. These are genetic, and a nin can use these powers to their advantage. For example, mine is the _Sharingan_. I can activate it however I wish. If I overuse it, for example, then my eyes will bleed, and I will lose eyesight to the point of blindness. See, there are pros and cons to these."

His closed his eye and opened it again to show a now red eye with symbols. He blinked again and it turned back to black.

Naruto watched this with awe, and suddenly had a light bulb went off in his head.

"YATTA! Amazing! It's so cool! I wanna do it, too!" He says, forgetting about the interview entirely. Itachi cleared his throat.

 

" _Ahem_."

 

"I said, IF you're an Uchiha. You're an Uzumaki; that's different." Itachi says nonchalantly.

 

"Aww, no fair." Naruto mumbled . "I wish I had something badass like that. Like, imagine Naruto Uzumaki, kicking bad guy butt! That would be hella AMAZING!" Itachi sighed, and pacepalmed. This was REALLY getting out of hand.

 

" _No_ , you cannot use it on civilians. That's why it's kept as classified information. If word leaked out of hidden ninjas of the Leaf, then terrible things could happen. The media would know, and that's the last thing us higher-ups want." Naruto muttered something about how lame that was, and Itachi started again on the interview.

 

 "Now, if my brother accepts you, your two coworkers will be Hatake Kakashi," He holds out an ID picture of a grey-haired man with a mask covering half of his face. "And Sakura Haruno," The other ID picture shows a pinkette woman with short hair and green eyes. She smiles at the camera with a blush on her face.

' _Woah, that's_...' Naruto thinks, eyes widening comically.

" **Looks like your girlfriend to me, Kit**." Kurama 

' _Shut up! That was a long time ago! Besides, we're just_...'

"' _friends_.'"

"Feel free to contact them if you so wish."

 

Itachi skims through his paperwork and pulls out a sticky note with a ballpoint pen.

 

"Now, if I wanted to call you, perhaps, what is your number?" Itachi asks, eyes snapping at Naruto. The blonde flinched.

"Uh... 935-666-2874." (not an actual number, if I recall) Itachi nods, and writes it down with a scrawl.

 

"And your address?"

Naruto sputtered on his macchiato. 

"I don't..."

' _Crap! I slipped up! Can't let it show, though_!'

"... _live in the area_! See, I, uh, I'm not exactly a city man by any means! Just a guy getting by in the countryside, y'know?" He was noticably sweating, Itachi noted. Must be because of how hot it was in here. Thinking nothing of it, he nodded.

" **Good save, Kit. Gotta be careful, though. Could've been caught, you know**." Naruto grits his teeth.

"I...see." Itachi says, and stands up, packing his papers into his bookbag. "Well, I think that about clears up for today. My brother will look into this himself and we shall see how that goes." Naruto stands up, too. And shakes their hands.

 

"Thank you for talking with me, Uzumaki- _san_. Our company will email your schedule and whatnot once my brother accepts you. Goodbye." The blonde closes the door from behind him and slumps down. He did it.

 

 

 

 

 


	3. The Sound LLC

**3**

* * *

 

Orochimaru was lounging about on his desk.

Today just _wasn't his day._ Sure, things normally didn't go as planned. But, THIS.

He sips his champagne. Hicupping involuntarily, he opens up his laptop, browsing through his email for the umpteenth time that day. 

 

Tayuya had failed yet again to win that Uchiha brat over. Instead of joining the Sound LLC like he had expected, the black-haired boy had turned him down; again and again.

Even after going through all of that trouble to bite him, and leave the curse mark, he STILL didn't desire the power to overrule the Elemental Nations.

 

Truthfully, it _hurt_.

 

Well...at least he had Kabuto. Scanning through his apps, he found Tinder. Opening it up, he swiped to his grey-haired assistant's main profile. 

 

 **OROCHIMARU** : _KABUTO! Cum 2 the office r8 now! Or die!_

 

 **KABUTO** : _W - Orochimaru? What're you doing here? And what about the Uchiha's business?_

 

 **OROCHIMARU** : _Not now!  I'll deal with that brat later. I need u here !!!_

 

 **KABUTO** _: Alright, master. I'll be with you in a minute. Love u, babe (heart emoji)_

 

_-Orochimaru and Kabuto left the chatroom-_

 

The snake sannin snapped his phone in two and chucked it at the wall in anger. He hated how his boyfriend kept using Tinder behind his back. Sure, he dated him through an app (naturally) but! There was no any other explicable reason for him to use it 24/7! 

 

Orochimaru forced a smile, and stood up from his desk. He walked behind Kabuto and licked his cheek with a snake tongue. He swore he felt his boyfriend flinch. Good.

 

"Well, well, Kabuto-san. You sure took awhile. Why the wait, for your dearest?" Kabuto froze on the spot, and slipped his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Apologies, sire. But I - I---!" He was interrupted by the snake sannin; who was playing with his crotch sensually. The grey-haired man bit his lower lip and tried not to moan. Orochimaru always knew his sensitive spots.

 

"Aww, you know you can call me Oro if you wanna. We're a couple now, you know." The snake sannin chided him lovingly, licking him again. "And no need to say anything, dear. How about this. The brat can wait. Let's just have a night out; you and me. What d'you say, _love_?" He asked with bedroom eyes; that would be inappropriate in a public sitting. But, this was Orochimaru. So, he let it slide.

 

He nodded, with red-filled cheeks. Honestly? He was surprised he could still think in calculus -- in numbers -- through this euphoric pleasure. 

 

Orochimaru smirked, and they left the office with their bags and everything. 

 

All Kabuto could think of was going into the snake sannin's pants. And so, they went downtown together hand in hand.

 

\---

 Naruto was pacing back and forth around his "home". A "home" because, really, it was just a makeshift box by the alleyways and all he really had was enough money to get through a week or so and his suitcase. Other than that, he smelled of ramen and he hadn't shaved in days. There was still some stubble by his chin; and his eyes had bags. Needless to say, he wasn't exactly a pretty sight for sore eyes.

 

It's sunny out, so he, for the most part, sticks to the shadows. Where no one else will see the Naruto Uzumaki as a homeless man. 

 

A woman with short brown hair and a pretty face walked over to him. She had a red umbrella over her head; probably to block her skin from getting a tan. Anyway, she was wearing a cardigan over a white; frilly shirt. And her jeans had tears in them, as if it had seen better day. There were also purple markings on her cheeks (why, even Naruto didn't know).

 

"Ah, you must be my boyfriend's applicant," She bowed slightly and shook his hand. 

 

"Uh, what???" Naruto asked in complete confusion. There were at least a thousand questions running around in his head. He shook it back with a strained smile. Stifling a yawn, he scratched his stubble. 

 

 The brunette laughed cutely.

 

"My name is Nohara Rin. Erm, sorry about that earlier. See, I'm dating Itachi-kun, so I couldn't help but wonder how it went with you guys. Did everything turn out OK?" she asked in a sweet voice. 

 

"Eh, well," Naruto swiped up his phone sheepishly. "I haven't got an email, yet. And I'm gonna hafta go to the cafe anyways. For the free wifi, y'know? Tell him I said hi."

 Before she can even get a word in edgewise, he's out the door.

 And has thoughts of a chidori through a chest. Hopefully, the PoPo's wouldn't come. He shivers.

 ---

 "Wow, all of you guys are here."

Shino, Kiba, Hinata, Neji, Tenten, Rock Lee, Gaara, Temari, Kakuzo, Shikamaru, Ino, Chouji and Sai were all sitting at the infamous Haku & Zabuza's Cafe. Apparently, everything they served here was water-based. 'Courtesy of the Land of the Waves,' they'd say. Never mind their breaking out of prision a few times already and their criminal records and everything aside, the founders were actually a cute couple. If not a bit out of age, but still cute nonetheless (when they weren't taking mugshots, at least for killing innocents).

"Oh, Naruto! How the hell are you doin', bud?" The dog boy clapped his back, like a bro to another bro. Naruto laughed, feeling happy for the first time in a long time. At _home_.

"Heh heh, you know. Working and all that." They all nodded in understanding, "oohing" and "ahhing". "Ne ne, sorry, guys."

 

"You look terrible," Ino says knowingly. "It's been forever, buddy o' mine. Where have you been, my man."

 

"Homeless." Naruto shrugged. All of them startled in shock.

 

" _No_! My youthful friend has fallen into the darkness!" Rock Lee says, posing an epic pose remiscent of Maito Gai; his former sensei who he aspired to become since his early days. Now, the man had his own style, as well as a better fashion sense. Needless to say, those days of wearing green spandex tights were over. Which everyone was thankful for, honestly. As for the others, they hadn't changed. They were still the same gangs Naruto hung out with when he couldn't fit in with everyone else. They guys have always been there for him, even when everyone else shunned him away.

 

"Sucks to be you, man." Kiba says empathically. His dog woofed in agreement.

 

"How troublesome..." Shikamaru sighed, twirling his spoon full of sugar in the coffee mug.

 

"Well, we invited you to our wedding. We were wondering what was up with you. Now we know." Sai says quietly. "After all, after reading all those books about human emotions, I now know what it is like to 'love' one another." He kissed the blonde on the cheek, and she blushed. A hand instinctively covered it, and she looked to the side.

 

"Oh, stop it!" she says. "He's been showering me like this ever since we dated months ago! And he just...won't....stop." Between breaths, he was leaving hickeys in a public sitting. Tenten giggled at the lovebirds. Akamaru barked, and licked their faces. The couple chuckled, as they all group hugged.

 

"Me and Neji-nii-san are getting married as well. Actually, we're double dating right now." Hinata says sweetly. 

 

 

"Isn't he your sibling?" Ino promptly slapped her across the face. "U - um, yes?" Hinata stuttered, her hands on Neji's chest. He was squeezing her breasts in the meantime. 

 

"Define _i_ _ncest_ ," Shino says, playing with a praying mantis in the palm of his hand. "the sexual relationship between so closely related to each other that their love isn't necessary."

"I KNEW this was going to be a drag..." drawled Shikamaru. "But, what I didn't know was that it was gonna be the drag." Naruto nodded, and decided to switch tactics midtalk.

 

"Yeah, it's been busy." He says sheepishly, and then his eyes land on Chouji. He looks... _chunkier_ than normal.

 

"You look healthy, Chouji, bud." Naruto clapped his back, but felt a sudden killing intent from him. "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY???" Chouji growled, cracking his fists. His face had turned beet red, and he looked beyond pissed. Everyone one flinched at what was about to come.

 

" _PSST! He doesn't like being called fat, remember_?" Ino whispers in Naruto's ears. He nodded numbly. "Neh neh, I meant in a good way! You're a lot taller than you used to be!" The blonde opted instead. This lessened the tension between them gradually.

" _Hmph_! I thought you were gonna say somethin' else. I'm a growing man, after all. " 

 

"I agree with the Yamanaka on this one." Gaara, the redhead says, "it would be advisable not to use his body image as the butt of a joke."

 

"Oh, Gaara!" The Uzumaki couldn't believe he had missed him. So occupied catching up with everyone else, that his bro was tossed aside. He felt like trash for doing that.

 

"Naruto Uzumaki." Gaara said with a curt nod. Every since they'd been childhood friends, they were really close. Even when the redhead bullied him during their elementary days; the blonde had realized he was a lot like him in more ways than he'd like to admit. Both alone and orphaned at a young age. Not to mention, they were both jinchuuriki. 

 

"Naruto." His green eyes softened at seeing his friend. "It's been a long time, old friend." He sips his coffee, and he the blonde isn't surprised at how there are still bags under his eyes. Since his demon spirit was active at night, his best friend suffered during the night from nightmares and was an insomniac. It just wasn't _fair_.

"How's it like at the Sand?" Naruto asked; trying to keep the conversation light. He had things to do here, after all.

"I'm a businnessman, now. I am also called the _Kazekage_. You said you wanted to become the _Hokage_ , didn't you?" Gaara remarked. 

Everyone's elses head spun to him; stunned. Blinked; Naruto recollected himself momentarily with a sheepish grin.

 "I..guess I did!"

"Impressive. Naruto is becoming more of a man, it seems." Neji affirms after fondling his cousin. 

 

"Maa, maa. It's not that big of a deal! And, soon enough, who knows? Maybe I will.

"We must celebrate this occasion of youth! 

Once they all leave, Naruto's face falls. With the WIFI in his hands, he opened up his laptop. And felt lonely once again.

 

 

 


	4. Sasuke vs. Naruto

**4**

* * *

 

Sasuke hated his life. It sucked.

 

 _Why the hell was Itachi his brother, for god's sake???_ Even when Fugaku and Mikoto handed over the business to him as the heir of the company, at least his older brother was _loyal_. Maybe not always, but he would teach him tips and tricks to become successful throughout his life when he wasn't with the Akatsuki. Though, Sasuke didn't mind because his big brother wasn't exactly criminal. At least, not enough to do THIS.

 

_To send in the number one deadlast of Konoha! To hand him over the dobe ---!_

 

' _I'll kill him_ ,' Sasuke thinks, crushing the coffee cup in his hands. It spilled everywhere all over him, but he didn't care. What mattered right now was the application in his hands.

He remembered that blonde brat like the back of his hand. Always pulling pranks on him, and when he wasn't, they were always fighting over who was stronger during their childhood days. he admitted that a small part of himself missed him terribly; since he was the only little light he had left.

 

But he had sworn himself to move on from that; to live his own life from now on.

 

Sasuke sighed. _Now was not the time to be reminscicing about the past._

 

Sasuke activated the speaker, and on the other line, Karin gasped from her makeout session with Suigetsu. Sighing, she calls out his name. "S - Sasuke-kun?" She asked, in a lust-filled voice. The Uchiha rolled his eyes and decided to get straight to the point. He didn't have all day.

"Send in Itachi for me," he said over the receiver; hands in his hair. The other line died off and he swiveled his chair with a sigh; looking out the skyscraper of his building. He was lucky to have the top floor all to himself. He got an outlook of the city; which

 

Once the man in question arrived at his office, he pulled the middle finger.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

> "Fuck you, Itachi." Sasuke snarled, throwing a paper airplane at his face. Itachi caught it with two fingers, _without even looking_.
> 
> "Love you, too," Itachi says with a fake smile, "Sasuke. _What_? Wasn't your best friend enough for you?" He says, crossing his arms with a look of displeasure. 'I can't fathom why my little brother is so dead serious about this. Then again, he's always been stubborn; even as a baby."

 

"You know how much I hate that _usuratonkachi_. Why the hell are you making me work with him?" Sasuke asked, barely able to contain his anger. The other Uchiha shrugged, which pissed Sasuke off even more. He really wanted to chuck his coffee at that idiot of a big brother he has.

 

"You two have had past experiences before. And you've done school projects together. It would be to the best interests of the company to hire him." Sasuke clenched his jaw; clicking his pen open and closed against the table. His lips were tightened into a thin line, and he very much resembled an angry ass cat.

 

"We. Were. _KIDS_!" Sasuke snaps, humiliated. He remembered being forced to make a picture of his partner and vice versa. He had drawn a detailed picture of the beutiful boy, while the _usuratonkachi_ had drawn a scribbly mess that resembled an asshole and his spiky black hair. Needless to say, it was enough for Sasuke to deadpan. At the end of the page, he wrote: " _Sucks to be you_!"

 

And the Uchiha hadn't lived it down ever since.

 

"That was different, then!" he snarled, slamming a fist on his table. It shook under the impact. Itachi shoved the paper onto the desk promptly; smirking coyly.

"But he drew hearts all over you. _See_? He cares enough about you. Even if he wrote ' _duckbutt_ ' and ' _asshole_ ' at the bottom." The Uchiha huffed and crumpled it; tossing it into the trash bin. He could care less about it.

"Gee, thanks. I feel SO much better now," Sasuke says, savagely. 

 

The black-haired teen REALLY didn't want to have this conversation. This was WAY too embarassing. He could only barely restrain his blush that was threatening to rush through his cheeks. ' _Dammit. Only my brother would make me think of that loser. Even after we kissed that one time_...'

 

Naruto Uzumaki was suddenly at the forefront of his mind. And the Uchiha hated it. And apparently Itachi noticed him grimace, so he placed two fingers against his forehead (a gesture they did as children as a sign of connection). 

 

" _Well_? What do you say? When I interviewed him, he had all the qualities that we look for in a spokesperson. For one, social. And likable. Maybe a bit messy, but we can work with that. Other than that, he's perfect for the job."

Sasuke finally gave in; knowing his brother wouldn't give up unless he did.

"If I write my signature, will you _shut up_?" Itachi smirked smugly at him, with a nod. Sasuke sighed, writing his signature as official as possible. He shoved it into his brother's chest.

"Here, send in the email. He's in."

The other Uchiha smiled at him sweetly (which unnerved Sasuke) and slammed the door behind him.

\---

"Hmm, Sasuke. You seem a bit preoccupied lately." Kakashi pointed out, as he was writing out the graphical date on Excel for their presentation to show to the other big companies. And being the studious _sensei_ that he was, he planned to outmatch his husband (Obito) who was a member on the opposing company of the Akatsuki.

"You THINK?" Sasuke hissed at him. He was still peeved at the thought of reuniting with his old teammate. 

 

"Wanna talk about it?" The grey-haired young man smiled behind his surgical mask. It had gotten sick lately around the area.

"Someone's snappy today," Sakura says, walking around him to pinch his cheek. Even though her crush for him had worn off, she was still friendly to him. He pushed her off of him; a heated look on his face. "Don't do that, Sakura." He huffed, looking away from her. Sakura giggled from in front of him.

 

"The last time I saw you so flustered was after your fight with that idiot. But, that was YEARS ago." She says between laughter. He frowns, crossing his arms. Apparently, that was enough for nurse trainee to go off by.

 

"So, _that's_ what it's about!" She squealed excitedly; her fangirl self showing in flying colors. " _Oooh_! Is that _baka_ finally coming back! If so, it's a dream come true~!" She says, swaying her hips and smiling. "Fine!" He shouts, not knowing what else to do. "The deadlast is my new assistant. And the spokesperson for our corporation. Can you leave me alone, now?" He asked, exasperrated. 

"When? _How_? Where is he right now?" Sakura asked, pressing for answers. _She couldn't believe it!_ The last time she saw him was when she left him for Sasuke-kun. And what a mistake that was. Aside from that, he was just a shoulder to cry on. The blonde was always there for her, but....

 

At least he was OK, now. Or so she hoped.

 

"Hmm," Kakashi snatched the application from his hand and looked it over. "I suppose he's in the countryside. That's all the information we know. No location, and only a phone number and email to go off by." Sakura's ear perked up, and she excitedly says.

"Makes sense! The _baka_ isn't exactly a city boy, by any means," says Sakura knowledgably. "I've known him for years! He's not exactly a standardized civilian. He's....erm.... _special_." The Uchiha wasn't hearing it. He didn't come to his other two employees to talk about the deadlast.

"Say whatever you want," Sasuke scolds, "I'm leaving." 

"B - but Sasuke-kun!" The cherry blossom called off after him. Too late, he had already left without so much as a goodbye.

\---

' _YATTA_!' Naruto exclaims to himself, shouting inwardly to himself. If he did it now, then people would stare at him like some weirdo. Then again, maybe that wasn't so far from the truth.

 

He was finally  _accepted,_ for once. He had the job, the email, the EVERYTHING. After waiting so long; to the point where everyday he went to the cafe checking his laptop for any email. And, now. 

 

It still sucked that he looked terrible like this. He had no money to pay it off, or anything. 

 

He heard the doorbell ring at the front, and a woman walked inside. He didn't pay much mind to it, but then the stranger sat opposite of him. And waved. "Naruto."

The blonde instinctively looked up, and couldn't believe his eyes. His lo- _coworker_ was right here, and, if possible, looked prettier than ever. He blushed quite noticably; unable to hide his feelings for her. 

"BAKA! What the heck happened to you?" She says; her face scrunching up with disgust at how gross he looked. ' _EEEWWW! The idiot's so trashy looking, I can't even look at him_!' Her Inner Sakura screams inwardly. She puts a hand over her nose. ' _And he even smells like it. YUCK_!'

"Sakura-chan," he whined, pouting. "I can't help it! I've been living on the streets since, well," he squinted in thought, "FOREVER!"

The Haruno cracked her knuckles. 

" _SHANNARO_! No wonder you look like you've seen better days. _C'mon_! We're going to my apartment, stat!" She says bravely, standing up, and Naruto knew there was no point of changing her mind. If it was set on something, she'd do it. Without exception.

' _Eh_?' He thinks, as he's dragged out of the coffee shop and along the streets of Konoha. "I'm not a _ragdoll_!" He complained, but she ignored him; instead focusing on walking him over to a building where she entered inside with apartment keys. And from there, they walked an onslaught of stairs until they finally walked across a hallway. At the end of it, there was a door that she unlocked. As Naruto stepped inside; he saw how small of a place it was. The walls were covered with old and worn wallpaper of cherry blossoms. The living room was circular; a red couch nearby the bamboo stem sapling that was growing inside of a pot. There was a balcony that showed the outside of the city, and she had a cutesy little kitchen of her own. If not a bit old and worn, her place wasn't so bad.

 

 

"IT'S TIME FOR A MAKEOVER!" She shouts; hearts in her eyes. He deadpanned; as she walked them over to the bathroom. She flipped on the switch, and he was greeted by a pink sink full of all kinds of girly things; like perfume, 

There was also a picture frame of them sitting on a stand; reminding Naruto of their

 

 "I'm just gonna fix you up a little; piece of cake. I'm going to shower you all up, Naruto! You stink of grossness." She coughed; trying not to breath in the smell that was of Naruto.

He sat down on a chair, and let her shampoo and condition. 

' _She must have an ulterior motive behind this. She wouldn't touch me unless she had to_...' Speaking of which, she was currently swaying her hips back and forth. She was clearly excited about something.

 

"So. I've heard a lot about you~!" The cherry blossom squeals, her hands brushing against his face. His eyes were closed, so he let his crush do her thing. 

"Like, Sasuke-kun has admitted you as part of the team. So, I'm going to do the best I can to help you along; since we're working together and all." 

The Uzumaki's eyes narrow at the mention of the asshole. That _prick_...still it surpised even him that the _bastard_ would allow him as his own assistant. He had a lot of expectations to live up to.

 When he opened his eyes, he blinked as a double-take.

"S - Sakura?! What the hell did you do to my FACE?" He screams; seeing a doll face staring back at him. His blue eyes were coated with eyeliner and mascara. His luscious lips were caked in red lipgloss. And his stubble was shaven away; not a trace of beard left. Not to mention his hair was a whole lot shinier. It was like the sun was staring back at him. 

 

 

" **You look like Lady Gaga if she was on drag...no offense**." Kurama howled in laughter; doubling over in his mindscape. The blonde looked away; averting his eyes with a faint blush.

' _None taken_...' Naruto sighed, head in his hands. His life just took a turn from better to worse.

 

"I'm going to the _bastard_ looking like this?" He gestured down at himself. She nodded in glee. "Like a barbie doll and shit?"

" _Yup_! It didn't work on me, but on a guy maybe! After all, he's turned down all of us women in the past...but he might have the hots for you still if you look pretty enough. As long as you don't have long hair," she pointed to her own short one, "it just doesn't work out."

"This is CRAZY!" He exclaimed, eyeing himself in the full-body mirror again. "I really look like a g - g..."

"...A _girl_? Sucks to be you!" She stuck out her tongue playfully. "Too bad, so sad. You can either go to him looking like trash or look like a princess. Your choice." She says in a teasing voice. She knew the answer already; knowing him since childhood.

"Fuck it. FINE! Whatever, just...this one time, OK?" He huffed, crossing his arms. He hated the feeling of humiliation. And in front of his love, no less...

"OK." She nodded with a hum, "Aaand...if you do _exactly as I say_...I'll let you be my _roommate_ for a month or two. 'Course we'll have it all figured out with a plan and ---" She was going to continue on her monologue, but was interrupted by a hug that sent them both flying to the floor.

 

"You're the best, SAKURA!" He says, hearts in his eyes. Though it looks quite feminine; given how pretty he looked right now. It even confused the cherry blossom for a second.

"Anytime, you baka. Heh, I don't want my itty bitty baby brother to be all sad!" She squished his two chubby cheeks together and cooed. He rolled his eyes. "Sakura..." He complained, and she let go of him. 

"Let's sleep together. It's been a long time since we've actually hung out, you know? I have all sorts of things to talk about, like...." And on and on went their conversation. But, all the blonde could think about was his newly acquired job.


	5. ???

???

* * *

 

Rin was smiling to herself, as she stroked the face of her second boyfriend. 

" _Ma_ ~ _da_ ~ _ra_! Time to wake up!" She exclaimed, clasping her hands together.

Growing annoyed, she bonked him on the head. He woke up in a matter of seconds; on high alert.

"Rin?" She nodded, hands on her hips. "

"Hn..." 

"Where's Itachi?"

"There you go, changing the subject again." She rolled her eyes, and answered, "He just interviewed with Naruto Uzumaki. He's the new spokesperson

"'The new one?'" The Uchiha repeated faintly, "What happened to the others?"

"I think Sasuke-kun ditched them. Saying that they weren't good enough or something. I don't really know myself."

' _Of course, in all Uchiha fashion_ ,' Madara nodded to himself, sliding his glasses on. " _Well_! Time to get ready for the day. Breakfast, sweetums?"

"Hai hai, on it!" she vowed, closing the door behind her.

 

\---

Sasuke was pacing back and forth around his office. Today was the day he'd see the _dobe_. After all of these years, he'd finally see him again. 

 

But, what walked inside was NOT who was he expecting. A woman ---man? --- wearing 

This wasn't the deadlast. "Naruto...?" He asked, stilling for a moment. The other nodded, shame flaring in his face.

"Hn. I didn't know you swung that 

"S - shut up! Sakura talked me into this..." his red lips pouted cutely,"...and I'm perfectly straight, thank you very much! Just a heterosexual man passin' by.

'Oh, really? For the record, you look like a female...'

"Whatever," Sasuke crossed his arms. "for your first day, you'll start off by making me a cup of coffee. No creamer, no sugar. Just black coffee. 

 

"Fine!" The blonde stuck out his tongue at him, and slammed the door behind him. Sasuke sighed to himself.

\---

 

' _Geez! He hasn't changed one bit_!' Naruto grumbles to himself as he stomps off to the coffee machine with a mug in hand. 

" **I'm sure his bastardness will go away in time, as long as you hit his sweet spot you've struck gold**!"

' _Thanks a lot, Kyuubi. I don't know what Sakura was thinking, making me embarass myself in front of him_.' He wiped his lipstick and makeup off by the sleeve. No WAY was he gonna look like a girl for the whole day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! If you want, you can check out all my other fanfics if you want the good stuff. Half of them aren't finished, but it won't hurt to try.
> 
> Kudos to each and every one of you! :)


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